Im at strip club and am horny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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