hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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