If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
