Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
