The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
