everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
