i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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