Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish there were birth control emojis
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
