So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
