We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
