So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
