this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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