she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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