i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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