Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
