My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just googled if crying burns calories
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
