Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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