I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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