Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
