I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
