just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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