i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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