His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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