I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Enjoy the penises
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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