I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
