Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
