Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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