Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
