Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
