my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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