I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
