She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
