i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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