ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
