She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
