does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
