He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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