your parents love me but you hate me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
