I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
