You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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