Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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