my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
