The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
