You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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