I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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