she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
