you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
