its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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