For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
wow bdsm is so cute
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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