I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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